UK Police Sprint Past Knife-Wielding Suspects To Arrest Granny Who Shared Wrong Meme

LONDON — Chaos erupted in the East End this week after London police sprinted past several knife-wielding men allegedly engaged in a stabbing spree to arrest a far greater threat: a 72-year-old grandmother who clicked “share” on the wrong meme.

According to eyewitnesses, officers barely slowed as they darted past bleeding victims in order to swarm the woman’s flat. “One officer shouted, ‘Forget the knives—this pensioner just shared an unapproved opinion!’” reported a stunned passerby.

The suspect, identified as Ethel “Nan” Wilkinson, was in the middle of baking scones when her door was kicked in. Police allege she committed a serious offense against the Crown by reposting a meme suggesting politicians might be out of touch with ordinary citizens.

“This sort of digital terrorism cannot stand,” said Inspector Nigel Featherstone, who confirmed that his officers would “circle back later” to check on the stabbing victims once Nan’s Facebook account had been secured.

Neighbors described Wilkinson as a quiet grandmother who mostly spends her days tending to her garden and correcting crossword puzzles. “She’s harmless,” said one. “Well, except for that one meme about tea prices. That was a bit much.”

Critics have accused police of losing sight of public safety. “Apparently, knives only wound the body,” said one commentator. “But a cheeky meme? That wounds the very soul of the nation.”

At press time, Scotland Yard confirmed plans to form a new Elite Meme Response Unit, complete with riot shields and sensitivity training, to ensure that no grandmother in Britain is allowed to post anything mildly humorous without government approval.