Pentagon Admits Hellfire Missile Was No Match For UFO’s “Cosmic Bounce Shield”

WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a revelation that left lawmakers blinking in disbelief, newly released military footage shows a U.S. Hellfire missile doing the unthinkable: bouncing off a glowing orb as though the Pentagon had accidentally purchased its arsenal from a Nerf catalog.

The clip, shown to Congress this week, captured two Reaper drones tracking the orb across the skies off Yemen. One drone fired a Hellfire missile straight into the target. Instead of obliterating it, the missile ricocheted like a child’s rubber ball and the orb kept drifting peacefully, presumably on its way to probe something else.

“Ladies and gentlemen, you are watching America’s best weapon turn into a cosmic pool cue,” explained investigative reporter George Knapp, his voice trembling somewhere between terror and amusement. “That’s a direct hit. And the orb shrugged it off like a housefly.”

Officials admitted under questioning that there is no known earthly material capable of such resilience. Rep. Anna Paulina Luna pressed military leaders: “Are you seriously telling me aliens have invented the world’s first bounce house for missiles?” Witnesses nodded grimly, confirming that all evidence suggested yes.

The Pentagon was quick to downplay the incident, insisting the footage was “still under review” and suggesting it might have been “a weather balloon with a bad attitude.” However, the chamber erupted in laughter when staffers admitted there were entire servers of similar videos locked away from the public.

Lawmakers are now demanding to know why taxpayer dollars are being spent on missiles that apparently have less impact than a wadded-up paper ball. Some in Congress proposed rebranding the program as “Operation Cosmic Dodgeball,” while others warned that aliens could soon use the footage in recruitment ads to mock American firepower.

At press time, the Pentagon announced it is considering upgrading its arsenal with “extra-bouncy” technology, just in case the aliens are actually keeping score.