Freeport Man Sparks Gay Rumors After Remembering His Best Friend’s Birthday

FREEPORT, TX — Could he be gay? Residents of Freeport were left whispering this week after 30-year-old John McCoy pulled off the unthinkable: he remembered his best friend's birthday without a Facebook notification, wife's reminder, or mom's group text.

According to McCoy's longtime friend, Tyler Hughes, the unexpected "Happy Birthday, bro" left him shaken. "I never pegged John as a total queer," Hughes said. "But then he just... remembered. Out of nowhere. No calendar, no reminder. That's not straight behavior. That's Coldplay-listening, perfectly-manicured, HGTV-watching behavior."

Other friends echoed the suspicion, noting that John has historically had "way too good" fashion sense for a guy who claims to be straight. One even recalled his suspiciously deep knowledge of candle scents.

McCoy, however, has flatly denied the allegations. "Stop it," he protested, in what sources described as a "light but manly inflection." "It's not gay to remember your best friend's birthday. That's just being polite. I love women. I'm attracted to women. Please cut it out."

Despite his defense, suspicions skyrocketed later that afternoon when McCoy was overheard complimenting another man's haircut without being prompted to notice it. Witnesses say this confirmed "beyond all doubt" that Freeport may officially have its most thoughtful homosexual on record.