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Locals stunned as 30-year-old Freeport man recalls his buddy’s birthday without Facebook’s help—immediately raising questions about his sexuality, fashion sense, and suspicious politeness.

In an electrifying turn of events, the FDA has unleashed hundreds of warning letters and cease-and-desist orders on Big Pharma and sneaky influencers — promising radical transparency or a fate worse than an unfairly priced pill.

Congress gasped as footage revealed America’s most advanced missile ricocheting off a mysterious orb, confirming what many already suspected: aliens have been playing galactic dodgeball with us for years.

London residents watched in shock as police rushed past men allegedly involved in a stabbing spree, choosing instead to apprehend a 72-year-old grandmother for sharing a politically incorrect meme on social media.

After yet another quake rocks Afghanistan, baffled geologists suggest the ground itself may be filing for political asylum.